After some blood tests, Dr Stubs stood before me, a tall man, but short on personality and sporting a cold expression. You have systemic lupus, he said matter-of-factly. "Lupus," he continued, "is an auto-immune disease and …." I remember certain details but mostly I remember him talking about children. "Children are no harm. But childbirth would jumpstart additional symptoms that could be life threatening. You already have two kids anyway."
As I got up to leave, shaken and drained, he said his parting words, "I would discourage any further research. There is no cure and nothing can prevent its progression."
Still, I did research lupus and its symptoms tiredness and joint pain-were both consistent with what I was experiencing. And eventually some major organs could be affected, causing shutdown and possibly death.
I studied and found out that echinacea had a record in making immune system stronger. I decided that along with the plant I would strengthen my mindset by immersing myself in my family with my one-year-old son and three-year-old daughter.
After another visit, I decided never to go back to Dr. Stubs. How could one endure repeatedly hear desperately words coming from an emotionless mouth even though they were truth? The years passed. When I would feel tired and achy I pulled support from my children and their laughter.
Finally, after eight years, I went to Dr. Kirstein who was recommended by a friend. She stood there holding my hand and looking into my eyes warmly.
"So let's talk a little
Instantly my defenses were down. Before I knew it, she had me running on and on about my children, my husband, my life and dreams. I told her about all the meaningful activities I was involved in, those things I might have never done without the disease.
After several follow-up tests, and greater research into my family history, Dr. Kirsteincame to conclusive answer. I did not have systemic lupus. There must be something wrong with the initial tests 8 years before.
I didn't know whether I should jump for joy or scream because I had been living the last eight years in fear of a fatal disease. But then I realized that I had been living every day, not so much in fear, but happiness Even day was a gift and I knew it.
