Why You Won't Apologize
In our relationships with others, it's inevitable(无法避免的)that we'll hurt them from time to time, even though we don't mean to. The challenge then is finding a way to make things right again. Research shows what those with high levels of social intelligence already know—sincere apologies are usually very effective at mending relationships that have been damaged by thoughtless acts. But all too often, we stubbornly refuse to apologize, even when we know we're in the wrong.
An apology is an attempt to repair the damage we've done to a relationship. To do this, we need to imagine ourselves to be in the victim's position and to show empathy(同感)for the pain we have caused the victim. Research indicates that people with the personality of narcissism(自恋)generally see no need to apologize when they have wronged another person. But even for most of the normal, not-very-narcissistic folks, feeling empathy for the other person's dilemma during a conflict can be extremely difficult. When our friend points out that we've offended them, it's easy to recall plenty of instances when they'd also hurt our feelings—so what are they getting so upset about?
We all want to believe we're essentially(基本上)good people, so accepting the fact that we've hurt someone we care about conflicts with our precious—and often fragile(易碎的)—self-image. People who believe that personality is fixed are especially easily affected by the idea that an act of apology is a threat to their self-image. If personal characteristics stay the same, then, of course, hurting someone they care about is inconsistent(不一致)with their self-image as an essentially good person. In reality, of course, even good people sometimes do bad things. Understanding and accepting this fact of life can help ease our mind and thus help make an effective apology.
Sometimes people don't apologize because they don't believe it will do any good. This could come from the belief that some mistakes are unforgivable. There may also be unrealistic(不现实的)expectations about the process of forgiveness. Your sincere apology doesn't mean the victim ought to forgive you right away. It may still take time, but at least the act of making an apology gets the process of forgiveness started.
Although apologizing can be hard to do, it is, in fact, the most effective approach to mending a broken relationship. It's inevitable that we'll hurt the ones we love. But when a conflict occurs, those who go through the process often find their relationship stronger as a result: “We had a difficult situation, but we overcame it together.”
| Why You Won't Apologize | |
| Phenomenon | ●Sometimes, we hurt others but mending the relationships is no task to complete. ●While sincere apologies can effectively make things right, we are to apologize. |
| for refusing to apologize | ●We usually to show empathy in the other person's position. ●Even normal people often the painful feelings of victims who they've offended. ●Some people are afraid that apologizing may cause to their precious self-image. ●Some people believe the victims may not them. ●Some people, once they apologize, unrealistically expect forgiveness from the victims. |
| Conclusion | People who experience the process of apologizing and forgiving often find it can the relationship between them. |
