We were five minutes into a severe winter storm-approaching Boston's Logan International Airport-when I turned to the woman next to me and said, "Hey, would you mind chatting with me for a few minutes?" My seatmate seemed friendly and I suddenly felt desperate for a human connection.
"Sure. My name is Sue, "the woman replied, smiling warmly. "What brings you to Boston?" I started to explain that I was on a business trip. Then the plane trembled violently, and I blurted out, "I might need to hold your hand too. "Sue took my hand in both of hers, patted it, and held on tight.
Sometimes a stranger can significantly improve our day. ①A pleasant meeting with someone we don't know, even an unspoken exchange, can calm us when no one else is around. It may get us out of our own heads-a proven mood lifter-and help broaden our vision. Sandstrom, a psychologist and senior lecturer at the University of Essex, has found that people's moods improve after they have a conversation with a stranger. And yet most of us resist talking to people we don't know or barely know. We worry about how to start, maintain, or stop it. We think we will keep talking and disclose too much, or not talk enough. We are afraid we will bore the other person.
We're typically wrong.
② In a study in which Sandstrom asked participants to talk to at least one stranger a day for five days, 99 percent said they had found at least one of the exchanges pleasantly surprising, 82 percent said they'd learned something from one of the strangers, 43 percent had exchanged contact information, and 40 percent had communicated with one of the strangers again.
③Multiple studies show that people who interact regularly with passing acquaintances or who engage with others through community groups, religious gatherings, or volunteer opportunities have better emotional and physical health and live longer than those who do not. One person took up the cello after chatting with a woman on the subway who was carrying one. Another recalled how the smile of a fruit salesman from whom he regularly bought bananas made him feel less lonely after he'd first arrived in a new city.
④When Sue took my hand on that scary flight to Boston, I almost wept with relief. "Hey, this is a little bumpy, but we will be on the ground safely soon, "she told me. She looked so encouraging, and confident. I asked her what she did for a living. "I'm a retired physical education teacher, and I coached women's volleyball, "she said. Immediately, I could see what an awesome coach she must have been.
When we said goodbye, I gave Sue a big hug and my card. A few days later, I received an e-mail with the subject line" Broken hand on Jet Blue. ""I have to admit that I was just as scared as you were but did not say it, "Sue wrote. "I just squeezed your hand as hard as I could. Thank you for helping me through this very scary situation. "She added that when she'd told her friends about our conversation, they teased her because they know she loves to talk. I told my friends about Sue too. I explained how kind she was to me, and what I learned: It's OK to ask for help from a stranger if you need it. Now if I mention to my friends that I am stressed or worried, they respond, "Just think of Sue!"
