Has your adult child ever accused you of being too critical? Not supportive enough? What about disturbing, or needy?
One way to handle complaints like this is to assume that your child is overly sensitive. There is such a thing as high sensitivity, which can worsen any problems between parents and adult children.
But imagine approaching your child's reactions as if it were a mirror. Instead of it being about your child's opinion of you, what if that feedback could tell you something about your own relationship with yourself?
It makes sense. Your way of being in the world is at its most basic, its most raw, when you interact with your own children, because often, it feels like you're talking to an extension of yourself.
On the upside, a self-confident, ambitious mom will encourage her adult child to start the shoot-for-the-stars business he's been talking about. Since she isn't afraid of failure herself, her child can count on her support if he wants to try something that clearly might not work out.
When the child says, "Thank you for supporting me in trying this new thing, "he's also holding up a mirror that says, "You're not afraid to try new things."
But the mirror reflects everything. We don't just have strengths. We're also troubled by doubts, fears, and limitations.
A mom who silently but constantly puts herself down will hardly notice that encouragement and appreciation are lacking in her conversations with her child. She doesn't speak that language; criticism is her native tongue.
Like a speaker of English who doesn't have to stop and wonder which form of a verb to use with a plural subject, the language of criticism rolls off her tongue without her having to think about it. When the child says, "You're so critical, "he's also holding up a mirror that says, :You're self-critical. "
