A star athlete stopped by my office and she was eaten up by self-criticism after committing a few errors during a weekend match. "I'm at peak1 and I practise hard. How is this happening?" This student, like many I teach, believes she should be able to2the outcomes of her life by virtue of her hard work.
I study and write about resilience(复原力), and I'm noticing a(n)3increase in students like this athlete. When they win, they feel powerful and smart. When they fall short of what they imagine they should4, however, they are crushed by self-blame.
We talk often about young adults struggling with failure because their parents have protected them from5But there is something else at play among the most advantaged in particular: a6promise that they can achieve anything if they are willing to work for it.
Psychologists have sourced this phenomenon to a misapplication of "mind-set" research, which has found that praising children for7will increase academic performance. Developed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, mind-set education has spread across classrooms worldwide. But a 2018 analysis found that while praising hard work over ability may benefit economically disadvantaged students, it does not8help everyone.
One possible explanation comes from Nina Kumar, who argued in a research paper last year that for teens in wealthy, pressure-cooker communities, "It is not a 9of motivation and perseverance that is the big problem.10, it is unhealthy perfectionism and difficulty with backing off when they should, when the fierce drive for achievements is over the top." This can11physical and emotional stress. In a 2007 study, psychologists Gregory Miller determined that adolescent girls who refused to give up the 12goals showed elevated levels of CRP, a protein that serves as a marker of systemic inflammation(炎症)linked to diabetes, heart disease and other medical conditions.
The cruel reality is that you can do everything in your power and still fail. This knowledge comes early to underrepresented minorities whose experience of discrimination(歧视） and inequality teaches them to13what is, for now, largely beyond their control to change. Yet for others, the belief that success is always within their grasp is a setup. Instead of allowing our kids to beat themselves up when things don't go their way, we should all question a culture that has taught them that how they perform for others is more important than what 14inspires them and that where they go to college matters more than the kind of person they are. We should be wise to remind our kids that life has a way of disappointing us when we least15it. It's often the people who learn to say "stuff happens" who get up the fastest.
