Listening is a powerful tool in relationships. However, many of us have just mastered the art of looking like we're listening when we barely are. When someone is speaking to us, we may be preparing our next response, or else thinking about something totally unrelated. It requires a great deal of self-discipline and patience to become a good listener.
Bill Gault, an old friend and a wise elder, taught me a phrase “High Impact Listening”. What it refers to is really being present with a person. Bill told me, “Where I have used it the most is with people who at first may strike me as kind of annoying. Itravel a lot, so I am seated by all kinds of people on planes. You see, I am not a soldier, and I am definitely not into guns. When I meet someone who is into guns, I try my best to show up to listen to their ideas and philosophy. This kind of openness and respect are serving me in a big way. When I sincerely listen and engage with another person, especially those who are so different from myself, I can begin to understand their philosophy of life. Now, I love to stay with the process long enough, until I find that we are all one.
Like Bill, many of us have to learn the hard way. For years, Bill had many unpleasant and annoying conversations with people who saw life very differently. Once he matured and appreciated this deep listening process, all of his trips became so much more enjoyable.
For many of us, it's only after a lot of unpleasantness and pulling a damaged relationship out of the mud that we know for sure that it is possible to listen more deeply to each other, and how unbelievably great it is to do so. Then we too can mature as Bill did, to show the type of understanding and acceptance that are required for relationships to develop. We can learn and gain the qualities like patience, openness, tolerance, and self- discipline that give rise to a strong and healthy relationship.
