We give toys to kids who otherwise wouldn't have them. Load bags with canned foods for the hungry. Make donations to those who need it. This time of year, it seems, we focus more on doing good and being good. Certainly, that's not a bad thing.
Researchers at the University of California say that kindness, and related qualities like sympathy and compassion are actually a form of self preservation. Those who give more, get more. The most generous among us have greater influence and are more popular. Whereas, the unkind and unhelpful are more likely to be away from us. After all, it stands to reason, that if I'm paddling your lifeboat, you'll keep me afloat a little longer.
So, is kindness motivated by our real concern for others or are we do-gooders because it makes us look good and shores up our position in the society? Probably both. Most of us really enjoy helping others. It makes us feel good, connected, happy and that makes for a more satisfying life. But, it doesn't hurt that we also receive other rewards—status, cooperation, influence—that will help us survive and become successful.
Despite all the benefits, I tend most often toward kindness only when it's convenient. That doesn't mean I have bad manners. I say "my pleasure" and "thank you". I hold the door open for passengers. But, I could be kinder, more often. Sometimes I'm stopped from doing good by just how to do it. Sometimes, I'm just not thinking enough about others to recognise the need. Sometimes, I'm plain, a little selfish.
I'm working to be more aware of those around me. To slow down and move with patience and purpose on the freeway. To be more kind. My acts of kindness aren't complex or flashy—I'm not the type. They aren't expensive—I'm too cheap. But those things aren't required. You don't have to feel guilty that your kind gesture wasn't as big as building a school in Africa. Kindness can be a small, simple act and still make an extremely large impact. Notice a need and then consciously offer a bit of yourself.
