When I saw the documentary ADHD (多动症): Not Just for Kids, I was in tears after 20 minutes — the stories being told sounded much like my own. I'm in my 40s, I had read everything there was in health and science and I had no idea that the symptoms (症状) I had experienced all of my life were anything but normal. How had I missed this? I called the doctor to get assessed. I must have sounded desperate on the phone; they took me right away.
Later, I researched everything I could about ADHD. It became clear that my misunderstanding and ignorance about the disorder had misled me. A million thoughts, a million regrets. Finally, I told myself I couldn't change the past, but I could share the fact that ADHD can look much different from the super active child practicing back flips (后空翻) off of a chair.
As for me, things went another way around: I was a young girl, quietly sitting at my school desk, pretending to listen to the teacher. Meanwhile, I was watching and drawing the bird that landed in the tree outside. And I was rereading entire chapters of my textbooks and taking extensive notes because I couldn't remember what I had just read because I was thinking of the bird I had seen earlier.
Later in life, I'd sit at the kitchen table, staring out the window. There's no telling how long it will take. Thoughts rush in from yesterday, today and tomorrow. I need to make dinner, take the dog for a walk, the kids will be home soon... But I can't move. I know that I should, but I can't. Afterward, I berate myself, unable to understand why I didn't get up, why I wasted so much precious time, so much of my life doing nothing, it seems.
Since being treated, I have an inner calmness that is new to me. Medication doesn't organize my day; it doesn't remind me to pick up the kids or walk the dog. However, it allows me to move when I've been staring out the window for too long.
