We all know someone who holds court wherever they find themselves with amusing stories. For the rest of us, conversation can be trickier. Our editor asked Catherine Blyth, the author of The Art of Conversation for her tips on how to shine — and not get cancelled — at your next small-talk.
Consider what you want from a conversation
. In fact, a conversation is usually a way to get something we want, whether that's to making a friend, or to asking someone on a date. Knowing what you want will keep things flowing. "At least, what you can get from a conversation is an interesting adventure with another mind. ." says Blyth.
Guide the other person to help you
"There's nothing more flattering (受宠若惊) than feeling like that you've helped someone," Blyth says. She suggests finding a way to make the other person useful to you. ", that allows you to reveal a bit of yourself while inviting them to help, which is a great way to get conversation started."
Listen attentively and purposefully
Are you listening to understand, or listening to respond? That's a perfect question a would-be conversationalist should ask themselves. "A good listener indicates what interests them. . If I'm conversing with someone who makes it all about themselves, I'll gently point that I'm not interested and shift us towards other topics." says Blyth.
Keep your phone out of sight and out of mind
"If you're chatting with someone with your phone next to you, what you're saying is ‘you're only as important as my next notification'," says Blyth. "Whatever you do on a screen isn't a conversation. Problems arises from comparing real conversation to text messaging. . We need to give each other some grace."
A. Seeing the world through the eyes of others is a reward itself
B. People feel bad about conversation because they think it's a performance
C. Your responses should show which topics are interesting and which aren't
D. The best mindset you bring to small-talk is the idea that it's a treasure hunt
E. A direct praise is good, but if it's something like ‘I love that coat, where did you buy it?'
F. In a real conversation, you can't look things up, think about how to phrase your thoughts
G. You have to constantly be listening with your ears, your mind, and be conscious of doing so
