“You can't stop the waves from coming but you can learn to surf.”

    This is the title on a poster of the spiritual teacher, Swami Satchitdananda who is pictured wearing a loincloth（腰布）while staying down on a surfboard riding the ocean waves. It's a far-reaching reminder that no matter how hard we try, sometimes we will make mistakes. Life brings us trouble at times, and we carelessly make trouble for ourselves. It can't be helped. 'Learning to surf' is a metaphor（暗喻）for becoming good at handling life's difficulties and successfully repairing errors or mistakes that we may have made.

    Since we are all mistake-prone（易于犯错的）, to varying degrees, it's necessary for us to master the art of making effective repairs and corrections. We should, of course, by all means make our best effort to do it “right” the first time, but being human, our best efforts won't always prevent us from having moments or days when we wish that we could do that one over again. Since we can't always do “do-overs,” the next best thing is to correct our mistakes, and the best way to start this process is with an apology.

    Making an effective apology is both an art and a science. It requires the fulfillment（完成）of a number of conditions that must be met in order for both parties to feel satisfied with the outcome. The first thing to keep in mind is exactly that both parties must feel complete and satisfied with the outcome in order for things to get back on track after the breakdown.

    There are a number of components that increase the possibility that an apology will be effective. These conditions and guidelines apply to all relationships. They include patience, responsibility, sincerity, etc. With them, the chance of a successful apology will be high.

    When we have confidence that harm caused to the relationship through unskillful choices can be fully healed, we are motivated to use the methods that we know work to keep our relationship in the best possible condition. The belief that the trust, harmony, and love can be fully repaired, and perhaps even become more than it was prior to(在前面的) the breakdown, encourages us to hold a standard of excellence. And then we work hard to use every incident that occurs in the partnership to become stronger at the broken places. There is surely some work involved in the process at becoming good at repairs, but the rewards of a close, delightful, trusting relationship are well worth the effort!